It is to be expected now and again.
This round was hard on my body. I felt nauseous several times in the hospital and asked for more medication. My blood transfusion was three bags instead of two, because my counts were so low. I did not have the energy to do much, and there were a lot of visitors given the holiday week. Since I got home on Saturday morning, I've pretty much been in bed, thank you internet for keeping me entertained. Thank you anti nausea medication for keeping me from feeling super crappy.
It is ok to not feel great. With chemo it is expected and normal. For me, I just have to remember that no one expects me to be 'on' 100% of the time, we have substitutes and understudies for that. I can stay positive and be inspiring without being 'on.'
Here are my thoughts:
My sister came up. It was the first time we had seen each other since we think April, when I was down her way for Passover. She saw my bald head and kidney scars for the first time, as well as me hooked up to machines while toxic chemicals pumped into my chest. As kids we didn't always get along, we are much better as adults. She had kidney issues through college, being hospitalized a few times for kidney infections. We always thought I'd give her a kidney. Sorry, I'm keeping the one I've got. Usually, there is family time where we are in a loud room full of people not listening to each other and we roll our eyes with our cousins, not this year. If I keep feeling good, and we are able to stay on schedule, then I will be able to go to her wedding in March. Sorry if I look so much different from the other bridesmaids, at least I get to be there.
The first three nights of Chanukah I spent in the hospital. Since you cannot have an open flame in a hospital room, I borrowed and purchased 'alternative menorahs.' One was from my friend Gayle, who lent me a little blue bear with LED menorah; pushing a button on his foot activated the light for each night. What was extra nice was that it felt like Gayle was also there to keep me company along with her bear. The other was a wooden one purchased at Target, the menorah is to be put together and a new wooden flame added with a dowel each night, fun for kids and I thought cute.
Hopefully, before the end of these eight nights I will feel up to frying latkes. I have loved latkes since first grade when my teacher did a cooking project for every major holiday Since I didn't grow up Jewish, this is the first time I remember having them. When I was 17 and got my wisdom teeth pulled just before my birthday, my parents asked what I would eat, I responded with 'Latkes!' Each year our friend Ken hosts a blowout holiday party, Mock-a-bration, celebrating all the winter holidays in a mocking way. The first Mock-a-bration I attended was void of the crispy, squishy, oily treats I loved as a child, I determined that someone needed to make latkes. Since then I enlist the neighborhood kids to help me peel the potatoes, and then I schlep my cast iron skillet to Ken's backyard to fry latkes late into the cold December night. I will miss it this year, but hear there are others willing to keep up my tradition.
As the roughness of this round passes, I'll put my holiday spirt on craft mode. Things need to be made! And making things always makes me feel better.
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